Friday, January 22, 2010

"V-Day"

I'm writing this a little early. Mostly because I'm awake, at the computer, and thinking about it.
I'll be 24 weeks on Sunday. That particular day is often celebrated by pregnant women as a milestone.
Why, you ask? Because 24 weeks is considered the point at which a baby has a chance of survival if born prematurely. The point at which Dr's will do everything to save said premature baby. The point where a baby is considered to be "viable" outside of the womb. Viability day. Hence V-Day.

Lots of women look forward to it. They celebrate it. They talk about it. Post about it on the interwebs. Relax in the pseudo-confidence that comes with this milestone. I am not one of these women.

I have some pretty strong feelings about this "milestone". The short of it is that I think it's bullshit. The truth is that a premature baby, whether born at 24 weeks, or 30 weeks is going to have difficulties. Sure, 30 weeks provides much greater chances of survival. But ::everybaby is different dust:: there are going to be complications. Some greater than others.

I have a several friends who recently lost their babies after going into labor early. Very early. Some not quite at "viability". Others, past it.

Why do some babies who are born at 24 weeks survive? While others born later don't? What sets apart a baby that is 23 weeks 6 days, from one that's 24 weeks? I just don't like it. It feels false.

And maybe I'm oversensitive because of what my friends have gone through. Maybe I'm jaded. Maybe I'm realistic. But when I see someone get all excited and celebrate (read: AW) their "V-Day", I"m overcome with feelings such as anger, and annoyance. And sometimes it takes all I've got not to pop that bubble with words that probably aren't so kind and really should remain unspoken.

The moral of the story? Celebrate every day that you are pregnant. Celebrate 23 weeks as much as 24. As much as 41. (Easier said than done, I'm sure).
Celebrate the life that lives within you. Now. Today. This moment. Every moment.

You will not see a V-Day post from me. Beyond this one, but that doesn't count - smartass.
That day will come and go, like any other. With immense gratitude, a healthy, mild, and motherly fear, and intense orders for Jude to stay put all the way until he's forcefully removed (more on that later) from my uterus.

4 comments:

  1. I really appreciate your opinion and perspective on this issue. I've often thought the same thing. However, I am happy that you've healthfully reached this 'milestone' and I look forward to hearing about the bigger ones that are more 'worthy' of celebration. You know, like the little ones birthday!

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  2. I love you, J. Thank you for posting this.

    Oh and Jude. Listen to mommy. Stay put a little bit longer, okay?

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  3. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have long not been a person to celebrate V-day. If a baby makes it to that date and is born prematurely, that baby is still VERY, VERY sick. I am even less of a fan of V-day now that I'm a mother who had a baby make it to that milestone and still didn't live.

    I was actually thinking about writing about this soon, but you've covered my thoughts exactly. I'l just refer people to you. :) Love you. Stay put, little Jude dude.

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  4. Thank you.

    I unfortunately, was of the variety that blogged about reaching my V-day and celebrated among the others. Had I only known then what I know now.

    Great Post.

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