Stunned.

That's the word that I would use. I have a long time friend whose sister was diagnosed with a very rare, very aggressive form of cancer a couple of years ago. And even though it has never been a secret that her chances were not good, it's very surreal to hear that things are coming to a close.

She's been through everything under the sun in terms of treatment. She was told a few weeks ago that there was nothing more they could do and "to go home and treat the symptoms."

Today, she was given a timeline. They estimate she's got about 3 weeks to live.

Three weeks. Not months. Weeks. Mere days. How does one even begin to process that? How does one even fathom such a reality?

She is 28 and is married with a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks.

I'm really going to have a baby.

I had a routine appt today. An appt that held lots of emotion. First off, this very new and very young nurse tried to hear the heartbeat via doppler.

She was unsuccessful. So she called in another nurse. Who also was unsuccessful. A THIRD nurse joined them. They all then proceeded to fondle my belly fat. Digging around for a heartbeat.

Now in hindsight, I can laugh at that image. But in the moment, there was panic. Intellectually, I know that 10 weeks 4 days is very early for a doppler. And that I have lots of padding around my ute, making it even more difficult. But this morning as I lay on that table, looking at the bright overhead lights, fear overcame all logic.

So the nurses excuse themselves from that room. At which time, I look at Mr. J. Tears in my eyes. He says to me. "Baby, you're fine. Munchkin is fine. We're all fine".

The nurse comes back in and sends me to ultrasound. They just want to make sure things are okay. More doubt ensues.

I get to ultrasound....and BAM. Heartbeat. Beautiful and strong. 170 beats per minute.

It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. And in that moment an even greater understanding of motherhood was realized. In that moment, it became clearer than ever before that I am having a baby. It feels great.


We're fine. I'm fine. Munchkin is fine. We're all fine.

Cheesy Chicken Soup - cheater style

This is my killer recipe adapted for the crock pot. It came out great! If you want the full version recipe, let me know. But I warn you: it's an asswhip.

You need:
3-4 chicken breasts
6 cups of water
4 chicken bullion cubes
2 cups of diced potatoes (I use red potatoes)
2 cups diced carrots (I use bagged ones and just throw 'em in)
1 medium onion diced( guess what? I used pre cut frozen)
1-2 cups diced celery
1 lb of Velveeta
8 ounce package of extra wide egg noodles

Put the chicken, water, salt and pepper, onion, celery, and bullion cubes in the crock pot on low. Set it for 8 hours.

4 hours in, dump in the carrots and potatoes.

With 1 hour left, break up/shred the chicken. It will be so tender that you can just do it with a fork while its in there. Add cubed Velveeta.

When it's all melted and cheesy looking, throw in the cooked noodles and turn off the crock pot.

It's sooooo good and this makes a ton. We usually eat it for a couple of days and freeze the rest.
Enjoy!

The fun stuff

How far along? 9 weeks

Total weight gain: Zero.

Maternity clothes? Bought some pants. Thinking about wearing them.

Sleep: Fabulous. Wish I could get more. 9 hours a night is just not enough.

Best moment this week: Seeing Munchkin via u/s! Looking sort of baby-ish.

Movement: My fat goes jingle jangle.

Gender: I think boy. Mr. J thinks girl. We'll see in about 10 weeks!

Labor Signs: No way, Jose.

Belly Button in or out? In. But the fat roll that the belly button often hides in is becomming much more shallow.

What I miss: Being able to eat first thing in the morning. Now I have to let my tummy settle a bit. Boo.

What I am looking forward to: Week 10! Prune, here we come!

Weekly Wisdom: Pick your battles. Proving you're right all the time is tiring.

Milestones: Heartbeat of 162!

Dear Munchkin, (Week 9)

First of all, allow me to apologize for the suckage. What? You've seen this blog. Are you surprised? Judge not little one. And hope that you get your Daddy's punctuality and follow through abilities.
So yes, I missed some letters. I'll make it up to you.
I'll buy you a donut tomorrow. How's that? Yes, you are my child after all. I know how to work you already.

So, week 9. This is a big one for you. Oh, wait. Before we go any further, allow me to say that you are the most beautiful fetus that I have ever seen. And yes, I said fetus. You officially graduate from embryo this week! Congrats. Again, I'll get you a donut.

You're starting to build muscles this week. Muscles that you'll use later on to kick me from the womb. And even later, to smile up at me. Or grasp my pinkie with your tiny fingers. And maybe one day to smack your little brother or sister upside the head. Or cut your own hair. Steal the car keys and sneak out of the house. Ah, sweet little muscles.

You are also starting to develop even more facial features this week. You are going to be beautiful. Already are. Somethings a mother just knows.

So grow on, Munchkin. Suck all the nutrients and energy from me that you can. I'm happy to host such an awesome little parasite. Can't wait to see you.

Until then, kid.

Momma

Holy Crap. It almost looks like a baby.

Now you're looking down on the babe. Head to ass. Left to right. You see it? Tilt your head a little and squint. Yeah, just like that. There. Don't move. There it is. My baby.

Holy crap. Something about this pic. Maybe how different it is from the one just 2 weeks ago. Maybe that it resembles something human. Maybe that I'm more emotional now, but OMG, that's my baby. Our baby.

I'm so in love. More and more every single day. Have I said that? Oh, well. 'Tis true.

Munchkin, you are rocking Momma's world.

I get to see the babe again tomorrow! Woot!
Another u/s. And the "pregnant talk" with my OB. Spike. Yes, my OB goes by Spike. And he is awesome. And he wants to give me all the do's and don'ts. That kind of stuff.

I also almost threw up today. Almost. But so far, no vommies.

I'll post the u/s when I get it. I'm sure Munchkin will enjoy that. Little ham.

The spawn is making me mushy.

I can't stop crying. Well, I can stop. But not for long. So I'm going to surrender to the mush and just say what I need to.

I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to be a mom. I am growing this little snot inside me and I could not be happier.

I am absolutely overwhelmed. When I stop to think about it, I am speechless. Um. I know, right?
It's amazing. And it's happening. To me. To us. And it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

There. I said it.