I can barely keep up.

So much has been happening in my world. I have hardly had the time to poop much less blog. My apologies.
Where to begin? I guess chronologically, would make sense.

We got new floors put in! Woot! Finally. We are just too messy to have carpet. Two dogs, a cat, and a husband with the equilibrium of a 2 year old, does not a clean house make. In fact, I can't even count the number of stains the carpet had endured at the hand of my husband in the past 6 months. Let alone the 2.5 years we have lived here. So finally, sweet victory for my house. Out with the Dr. Pepper stained and dog hair infested carpet, and in with beautiful hickory floors.

You may be asking yourself, "what comes after floors?" Why, new furniture of course. Now, we just went to look. Only look. Get an idea of what kind of money we are talking about. You hear me? Such was the conversation with Mr. J as we parked the car outside the absurdly large furniture store. 2 hours and many dollars later, we had ordered new living room furniture.
Naturally. I must say, it is perfect. And its sale price left me completely powerless to it's subtle beauty. It's on back order so we will have it in a couple of weeks.

In less exciting news, another heartbreak. Another loss. Seems they are simply everywhere. Waiting around every corner to knock the wind of optimism out of your increasingly deflated soul. It's rough. I've seen 3 women in the past month lose their baby. 3. One right after another. No human language is sufficient to describe such horror. I am utterly speechless. I pray for these women and yet have no words. I simply sit, and ponder. Hoping for peace. Somehow, some way. Though, I can't begin to imagine how it will come.

And selfishly, it brings fear. Lots of fear. That I too, may find myself one day in such unspeakable pain. I do not know how one survives through such a thing. And I hope with all that I am, to never learn.

Even so, we walk. We move forward. Through the fear, daring to walk the fragile plank of hope. Dr. appt today. Found out that I have some whacked out hormone levels. So I start meds to correct that this week. More blood work next week, and probably Clomid. Pending the blood work results. It's a very peculiar mix of excitement for taking steps toward parenthood, and fear that those steps will be futile. And yet we walk.

I suppose that's the answer to a lot of this. You just walk. One foot in front of the other. Not knowing where they will lead you. Or your foot will land on solid ground. Or even if you will find the energy for the next step.

We walk.